I don’t know why an elevator’s motion mesmerizes. Whenever we change directions, movement between the outskirts and center reverses. Every time we reach the upper or lower level, wine gently ripples in our glasses. The elevator drops downward, the wine rises to high tide. When it’s going upward, the wine drops to low tide. No matter which direction, I can feel some tension rising. It’s not long before we become practiced elevator drinkers. Sid Sidney, Academy Reality.
Romantic Picnics
People wonder how or why recreational excursions would be available at the Academy of Reality. Even the fortunate few who own cramped private elevators might ask, “Why go to the trouble?” At the Academy, vertical transport is more of a necessity than a luxury or social event for employees, except for the few who are on a special assignment writing Fifty Places to Picnic. What about Sid and Mia’s picnic? What goes up must come down.
What are the odds of scoring a romantic elevator ride? Internet research suggests that dates are rare. Few instances are ever reported. I’m proud that Mia’s passcode at least made fictitious reality possible.
Making Love
Rock group, Aerosmith released “Love in an Elevator” (1989). It lays out a scenario, slightly more probable than Sid and Mia’s innocent experience. Lead singer Steven Tyler remembers a time when the doors opened while he and a woman were making out: He said, “It felt like a lifetime, waiting for those doors to close.”
A Picnic and Grain Storage Scenes in Kansas
Research? You need to cover all bases. A 1955 movie has the word “Picnic” in the title and a couple of scenes that include a grain silo with little romantic potential. Hal Carter rides to town in a box car, hoping a former college friend will hire him to be an elevator operations manager. A college dropout, Hal’s not qualified. The best Hal can do is work a menial job. By chance, he meets his college buddy’s girlfriend, Madge, at a picnic. Somewhat jealous, his friend tries to railroad Hal out of town by falsely accusing him of supplying liquor to a minor. A police chase ends at the grain facility. Hal opens a chute, releasing enough grain onto the unsuspecting cops, allowing time to evade capture, prove his innocence, and reunite with the new love of his life, Madge. A great fifties movie unless romantic picnics in Kansas aren’t your thing.
Times have changed.
The major difference between Aerosmith’s single, “Love in an Elevator,” Picnic (1955), and the book, Academy of Reality in the twenty-first century? Locations for picnic-making and lovemaking keep evolving. Mia adds a couple of layers of class with her basket of wine, bread, and cheese. Hacked or stolen, her unauthorized password was the key to an indoor outing.
Takeaways?
The standard advice for adventurous travelers: Get a room! If you disagree, check out online advice: The Best Positions for Passionate Elevator Encounters: A Guide to Thrilling Moments in Tight Spaces Grain silos have little or nothing to offer romantics. Vertical travelers without passwords can expect their picnic to be plagued with unexpected stop-and-go interruptions. Suggestions? Choose the right setting. Dress appropriately (or not). Find a private elevator if you can. Happy travels. And be safe.
